“Trusting in God is the point of climbing mountains. There is no better psychotherapist than the mountains!”

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Matushka Oksana talks about her hobby with genuine childish delight:

“Once in my life I had a panic,” Oksana tells about her ascents. The worst thing in life is when you let go of your hands and hang over a cliff, over an abyss. I remember it was Mount Ilyas-Kaya opposite Laspi Bay. I had to go through one part of the trail where there was an absolutely sheer cliff. There is no strength in the hands to pull yourself up to the next step. Yes, this cannot be done by force: on the contrary, you need to let go of your hands, hang over the abyss, then push off and move to the next step. At that moment I understand that I cannot unclench my hands and shout: “Father Kosma, I cannot let go of my hands!” I am terrified. In front of me is a sheer cliff; below me is an abyss.

“You have to let go of your hands, hang, think and calm down,” Father Kosma, my mountaineering instructor, answers me.

And the wind is blowing, whistling, and it seems that nothing will hold me back. Here comes the very moment when you need to completely trust God. There are many such situations in our lives — when you need to let go, remove your hands from a situation that you just can’t “let go” of, and stop trying to control everything. Admit that this is no longer in your power. It is then that you need to hang over the abyss and completely surrender yourself into the hands of God. Then you will definitely be able to push off and go up.

When I got out of it, I was in complete shock—my life ceased to be the same forever. Trusting God is the meaning of climbing mountains. There is no better psychotherapist than the mountains! After the ascent, delight sets in: you sit at an incredible height and drink coffee, and see the morning sun rising over the sea. You look at this sea, bathe in these rays… The beauty and grandeur of God’s creation embraces you, and you are just a small particle of the universe! I come from there charged. You get tired physically, but you are spiritually renewed, all your experiences fly away and remain in the mountains — it’s as if you were born again.»

Three years have passed since Father Igor, the husband of Matushka Oksana Kravetskaya, tragically died.

As often as I communicate with Matushkas, I ask this question of mine — about premonitions. And it’s not easy for me every time: after all, this is truly the most mysterious and one of the most sacred moments of life. But the answer is always quick and unambiguous: their husbands felt the approach of departure, said strange things, the meaning of which was revealed “after” they died. They were giving advice and parting words. I don’t remember any exceptions to this rule….

But let’s return to our conversation with Matushka Oksana. Gradually, we moved on to the most difficult part of the interview, when together we could no longer hold back our tears:

“I am a person who always has premonitions, but then I didn’t say anything to my husband. For his last six months, Father had been afraid to drive at dusk. And so, we were driving into the twilight again.

That day we served, a parishioner we knew came in and asked how the Church felt about the thirteenth. We answered that it didn’t matter, this is how we should treat superstition. We always and everywhere went together, but on that fateful day my husband did not want to take me, saying, ‘You’re tired, don’t, don’t go.’ I didn’t dissuade him, but we left together anyway.

Somewhere a few months before that day, Father Igor told me to start mastering the embroidery machine on which he always embroidered himself. I always have a lot of work to do with this machine. Our livelihood is a small private workshop for sewing church vestments. It’s very difficult to feed a family when you come here, but here you get a modest but stable income plus creativity. I sewed, and my husband did machine embroidery. When he said to master the machine, I was surprised: ‘Why do I need this, and where will you be?’ And he replied: ‘I’ll be busy.’

I held his hand after the car accident.

I came to my senses, they took me out of the car, in shock, I went up to him and took his hand. I held his hand, and it was still warm.

I stood, prayed and held his hand. I had blood running down my face. I just stood there silently, didn’t cry, didn’t scream. Then they took me in an ambulance. They didn’t tell me anything, but I realized that it was all over.

The pain came later. I didn’t cry for a day… Then tears just flowed like a river… I thank God that I had such a husband. I am very happy that I was there, with him, at that most important moment when he was leaving… When he went HOME… I would not have been able to survive if this had happened when I was sitting at home and they suddenly called me and said that he was no more.

I was always with him. We went through a lot together and never parted. Even our bishop joked that if the priest arrived alone, it means one hundred percent that Matushka was sitting in the car.

Thank God that I was there at the moment of his transition to eternity: he was not the only one who suffered this.

We are still together now — when I walk along the ropes over the abyss, I understand, I feel with all my soul that I am not alone — my husband and the Lord are with me. In this infinity, I feel like a small grain of sand, compared to the greatness that surrounds me.»

Matushka has two sons.

“The boys need a dad and it’s hard for them,” Oksana continues our conversation, “The eldest does everything like a dad.” He says: “I will be like dad. I want glasses like dad.»

Dad loved to cook, and he is learning to cook… The boys constantly hug and kiss me. They are now 16 and 14 years old, teenagers, but they are not shy, they kiss and hug their mother… “My boys are cool,” says my mother with a smile. Her gaze comes to life, her eyes flash with joy when she talks about her sons.

Steps.

«How did I get behind the wheel three months after the accident? Hiring a car is expensive. I can’t travel with strangers: I always traveled with my husband, and I realized that I don’t want to travel with strangers. I had to gather my will into a fist. If I don’t travel, there will be no orders — and what will I live on? We live in a remote village and a car is a necessity. It’s like overcoming steps…

I go to the gym: I can’t, I don’t have the strength, but I get ready and do it. After the accident, I had to work on my leg for a long time: I practically couldn’t walk, let alone dream of the mountains.

When there are tests, it all depends on how you get through them… Either you become limp, or you pull yourself together and be an example.

It’s like the sound of a church choir: what we give people is what they will go home with from church. If we are peaceful and do not take offense at each other, people will leave the Church with this attitude: our inner state of faith and tranquility will be passed on to them. I have been leading the choir for twenty years and never make any comments. If something is wrong, it means it will be better next time. Let one note sound out of tune, the main thing is not to be out of tune in your love for your neighbors and not to destroy the entire service.»

Our conversation smoothly turns to the topic of helping other people:

«If you feel bad, go to nature, go to the forest and look at the ant, at the mushrooms. This is an example of a thousand Divine miracles. Pull yourself together, pray — and everything will be okay. You need to find peace of mind! Yes, it is very difficult… What happened to me, my past, is the will of God, we cannot change anything. But by working on ourselves here and now, we can change our future! Those around you will also catch up. Is it comfortable to sit and cry in a corner? We urgently need to leave the zone of such a dubious comfort.

And yet, you cannot change the actions of God’s Providence, but you can change your attitude towards your misfortune! I considered myself especially unhappy, thinking that losing a husband at a young age was the worst thing, but it turned out that at any age it was terrible. A woman sings in our choir; she buried her husband at the age of 67 and was left alone in a big house, where she sat on the floor and howled. I then invited her to sing with us:

We will sing at the service, but you need classes! Our choir needs you so much, and you sit and cry!

We went with her to drink coffee at a gas station… Even at a gas station, it doesn’t matter… And it doesn’t matter whether it’s tea or coffee… The main thing is to support her somehow! I had to find the words… Now she is almost always with me and it is much easier for the two of us: only those who have experienced it can understand grief.»

During the hour and a half conversation with Matushka, we both laughed and cried. It’s a bit of a pity that the meeting was online — I really wanted to sit next to Matushka with a cup of hot coffee in my hands, talk and be silent at the same time. I was impressed, because we talked in detail three years ago, when everything happened, and she was still recovering from her injuries. It was not clear then whether she would regain her health or perhaps remain disabled.

And now, three years later, I am shocked to learn that she took up mountain climbing(!). We all understand how serious, extreme and difficult this sport is — obviously not for people with broken legs… But she did it! 

Truly, there is no word “I can’t” in the world; rather, there is the word “I don’t want to.”

(Compiled by Yulia Sysoeva)

More information about the family and how you can help on the website: https://matushkideti.ru/donate/kravetsky/